“Manhood”

Hello.

Lately, I have been enjoying the summer, just bumming out. Even though summer is a time to just forget about school and academics for a while, it hasn’t stopped me from thinking about other issues. One of those issues were recently brought up.

The other day, my older sister stopped by to hang out for a bit. One of the first things we brought up was my haircut. She has been talking about me getting a haircut for a while (along with my family) because of how it’s was getting a little wild.

Eventually, I got it done, and was hoping they would stop commenting on my appearance. They were not rude comments, just suggestions. However, it was almost like she found the next thing I needed to change; my mustache.

So what are you going to do with this?

She pointed and moved her hand across her upper lip. At first, I was kind of shocked and uncomfortable. She never really knew about my insecurities, especially about my facial hair. I didn’t really have any facial hair, but it was a little more visible.

I had a trouble speaking, kind of stumbling against my words. I hid how uncomfortable I was, and left the room when she was taking with someone else.

I always wanted to get rid of my facial hair, but was really uncomfortable with the idea of it, and telling others about it. Later that day, I asked my older brother about whether I should shave or not, becuase I don’t know anything about it, or what would happen if I did. He said that I wouldn’t really make a difference, and it was up to me. Of course I would want to try it once, but I was always worried about how people would view me, since I was changing how I looked.

It’s a never ending loop really. If I do it, I don’t want to draw attention to the change. If I don’t, I will feel self conscious about how people looked at me. It’s not really a big deal becuase eventually, maybe in a year, I will have to shave.

No matter what I choose to do, I’m going to have to suck up the fact that I’m going to go through a lot of changes, and that’s just a part of growing up, and what I ever I choose to do shouldn’t be becuase of how others view me, or what they want me to do.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

2 thoughts on ““Manhood”

  1. I remember feeling that way–like I didn’t want to change my appearance whether it was positive or negative, I just didn’t want the attention. Don’t worry, as you get older and get more comfortable in your own skin this will get better–everything does. Hang in there 😉.

    Liked by 1 person

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