To begin with, I ruined myself. I am the reason why I can’t live a normal life. I Skewed my perspective on what was acceptable of myself, which snowballed to bigger issues. Since the 7th grade, I began to actually destroy my mentality. I made school too important, to the point where a perfect score on an exam was the only thing that made me happy. I became obsessed
with studying and getting high scores on everything. There was just something about it that made me feel good. I never understood why though, I think it was because I never got recognized for anything special when I was younger, and it felt so great when I started to do so. I was so used to being the quiet kid that was kind of in the background, that it was like I was exploring a new world.
It’s weird because my relationship with my family was great, and I only remember happy memories. I only remember my family going to new places and spending a lot of time together. To be honest, the current events of my life are making me want to go back in time to when nothing bad happened. It was kind of nice to feel that everything was okay. I was happy in school and at home.
However it only allowed a great anxiety started to develop, and I never realized it. I didn’t even want to get a phone because I thought that it would distract me. School was my whole life.
Well, until I got into high school. My perspective of school was so messed up, and it was not suitable for my transition into high school. I was not ready for it all. I was so stressed about my routine changing and didn’t know how to handle it. That’s when I actually started to notice my anxiety.
That anxiety soon turned into depression. My solution was just to isolate myself from everyone. Even though I talked to some people, I never wanted to be around them. I just wanted to show up to school, do my work, and leave. Strangely enough, my grades in freshmen year were not bad at all for my mental state at the time. School was teaching me to manage my time and learn to cope.
So far, my sophomore year has been fine. My first semester went well, but I’m struggling in my second semester. I guess I’m just getting a little sick of school. Besides that, I feel like I’m a better person (for the most part). I have more friends and I found the positive aspects of school. I’m definitely still depressed, but I learned that school shouldn’t be about getting high scores because that will lead to an eventual breakdown. It’s going to be a long learning process for me.
Anyways, thanks for reading.