Wow, I’m Psycho

Today has been very, very interesting… in a bad way.

To make it short, I kind of had a breakdown/panic attack which I haven’t had in a long time. I’m not the type to showcase my emotions and lose control over them often so it was unusual that I did.

It was sparked because of my friends. This summer, especially this month, I am busy with programs and I don’t have a lot of time to spend time with my friends. Because of this, I wanted to make sure that I reached out and organized plans for my friends and I to do.

Originally we had a plan, let’s call Plan A. Plan A didn’t happen and we rescheduled for next weekend, aka Plan B. Last minute, Plan B apparently can’t work. One friend says they have an event to go to, one was worried about the weather, and the other one, the one I honestly trust the most and believe is pretty responsible, was silent in our group chat.

I was annoyed.

Things definitely come up in people’s lives and plans cannot always work out. However, I really do not appreciate being told a day before a plan that was made a week in advance that it can’t work. I do not have time to waste. My schedule is tight and I have a few days in between to hang out. It seems that they aren’t clear on this and I have to clarify my situation. I love my friends a lot and I’m glad I have them, though they do need to mature a bit and be more aware of others.

For my breakdown, it was confusing. I had it the day after Plan B was canceled and it was triggered since I was very irritable in the morning because of the cancelation. Because I didn’t know why I was upset at the moment, I just kind of started calling out my mom and dad out for things they forgot about or weren’t doing. But in reality, I just really wanted to go out with my friends and it didn’t happen. I could have gone out and walked with my mom looking back at it but I was very unaware of what I felt and why I was feeling that way.

Thanks for reading.

– Ali


Painting: https://www.saatchiart.com/print/Painting-Shower-scene-from-Psycho/589588/1910904/view

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