It’s my blog’s three-year anniversary!
Even though I don’t post as often as I should, this blog has served as my aid whenever I was in need. It was always behind me no matter what.
I started writing right before my freshman year of high-school and I was not ready at all. Looking back, I was mentally such a mess.
I wasn’t comfortable with expressing my self, whether it was with me being gay or wearing anything besides sweatpants and a hoodie, and I was riddled with the worst anxiety that made leaving my home a joke, especially when my school was many districts away. I was still a “kid” and I was suddenly thrown into an environment where I couldn’t hide anymore.
If you’ve read my very early posts, you can tell that this transition was frightening and terrible. It made my anxiety worse and it snowballed into a depression.
I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I hated going to school, I hated being in school, and only had a few hours at home to shut everything out and feel in control. Towards the end of it, freshman year got better, but I was only sliding by everything. What I mean is that I survived by going to school, doing the work, and forgetting all about it once I got home. I didn’t really have a “life”.
What I like about my blog posts is that you can notice the transition of my emotions through my years in high school. So when I neared my sophomore year, I obviously was doing a little better. I discovered my love for video editing, and started to become more optimistic about school and everything in general.
The year started out okay; I developed a group of friends and even joined a club. However, it would turn to be the absolute worst year of my life. I don’t like being over dramatic, and I have to be careful of doing so as I am a delusional teenager at times. But without a doubt, my 2018 in sophomore year was hell.
It’s so hard to describe how painful it was. I’m really surprised I got through it without completely losing my mind. My head just ached every moment of every day with anxiety and sadness. Without getting into specifics, too many things collided with one another and broke me down.
After the mess of sophomore year, junior year was looking a little more promising. It was a little rocky, but okay.
I really did start to progress as a person. I was set on losing weight and cleaning up my acne, my friend group got tighter, and came to terms with being gay and joined the GSA. I also experimented a lot more with how I dressed and showed off my personality and style.
Everything kept going nicely, I felt good.
Following my junior year, this summer has been one of my most productive yet. I did two programs/internships, continued my love of video making, and had fun.
I hope that senior year will be a regular, relaxed school year (despite college admissions), and I will make sure to continue to progress as a person.
Thank you for three amazing years.
Soon to insert credit for painting…