Feeling Like A Freshman (Again)

I really thought going into senior year would be fun and carefree, but I’m actually kind of feeling as I did when I first entered high school.

The first day was fine, but I felt “weird” and anxious as my friends and I don’t share any classes besides lunch. That’s why I think I feel like a freshman. It’s like when I had to go to a new school with new people, but instead we just don’t share any classes.

I really gave myself a headache thinking about whether I should change my classes to one my friends have in common, not to be in the exact same class as them but to take the same subject. I still feel like that now. I feel so pathetic as I really should take classes I want to take, and since after high school they won’t really be in my life anymore. However, there are one or two classes I want to change just so I don’t have do as much work.

But, I don’t know if that’s really the thing that’s bothering me. I’m really trying to uncover why I feel “like a freshman”.

I think it’s because of the bus situation. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you can tell that the thing I hated the absolute most about my school was the distance and the one hour bus ride to and from it. It made me so emotional when I was younger. I felt that I was away from my family when I could’ve just went to a school closer to me.

And it’s making me weirdly emotional now. I don’t want to do this again for another year. There are colleges that are much closer to me via train than my school is by bus. I don’t know if it’s because of my summer, or the fact that I don’t feel settled in school yet, but I just feel uncomfortable again.

I’m not sure if this is gonna fade, but right now I wish it didn’t take as long to get school everyday. Even if it took forty-five minutes instead of an hour, I would be happy.

I’ll let you guys know if I get over this.

Thanks for reading.

– Ali

Painting: Pablo Picasso, Tragedy

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