Wow, I didn’t realize that I would have to start thinking about what I was going to do with my life.
Today has been very, very interesting… in a bad way.
To make it short, I kind of had a breakdown/panic attack which I haven’t had in a long time. I’m not the type to showcase my emotions and lose control over them often so it was unusual that I did.
I use to have extreme anxiety. I was always anxious about an upcoming test, a lengthy homework assignment, or having to do anything outside of my comfort zone. My mood could be turned all the way around just because of a new task I was faced with. All I could think about is what I had to do and I would only be relived once I completed it. This would lead to some unreasonable choices that wouldn’t benefit me in the end.
Once, I had three books to read over the summer between freshman and sophomore year. It overwhelmed me so much and I just wanted to get through them. So, I decided to read all the books in one week, which I did. Though I felt good getting it done, the process of actually doing it was so mind-numbing and exhausting it made me dread the sight of a book.
Today, I am faced with a similar challenge. For one of my summer programs, I have to read three books before it starts (a little under a month). Let me tell you that when I came home after the last day of school to bum out in my room and see that email informing me about my “reading requirement” my heart began to race. My old thoughts returned, the “old Ali”, was starting to panic.
The books they’ve sent haven’t arrived yet. But when they do, it’s like I’m forced to start. I can’t just gradually read the books and gather the information, I need to read them fast.
I really should try and read the books throughly as I don’t know why they want us to read the books, but I also shouldn’t stress myself about them. This is a summer program, not a prison. I should try to enjoy them and not stress .
I don’t know, I’ll deal with it once the books arrive. I have to drop these urges.
Anyways, thanks for reading.
Update: I’m reading and everything is chill 🙂
I haven’t posted in six months. Oops. This is going to be a really quick post since I just want to update whoever reads this on my life.
Let’s get this straight. I’m not the person to accuse someone. I don’t get angry, and I let a lot things slide. But this time, I’m furious, and it’s because of my mess of an older sister.
To begin with, I wouldn’t say I was robbed, or at least I was robbed in the way you wouldn’t normally think of. I wasn’t jumped and forced to give up my belongings, rather I poorly secured my belongings, allowing excuses of people to scavenge through them.
Let me explain.
I thought I would have been over with it by now, but I still don’t feel great after being rejected.
Without falling into another depression again, I told the guy I liked about how I felt. It was early in the morning, he was sitting at a table with no one around. I decided to go up to him
After a therapeutic summer, I started to feel more like myself again. I felt so fresh. I just felt so “okay”, like I was truly happy with my life. I loved my friends, family, and even school started to be something I looked forward to. However, I’m starting to fall down a hole all teenagers do; love.
I know I haven’t been blogging as often, which is pretty disappointing because I wanted to blog a lot during the summer. However, I couldn’t let this important day pass. Though it seems small, today marks the 2nd anniversary of my blog.